July 1, 2009

GWAR: Jobber vs. Jizzer

GWAR's not cartoon fighting anymore. No, these guys are throwing their weight around for real now, which is not too shabby for a 200-year-old intergalactic space schlock rocker like Oderus Urungus.

Check this out, the lead singer (term still used loosely after all these years on the mic) went - according to the photographs - giant penis-less when hitting the ring with former WCW/NWA jobber Tracy Smothers last week at the Schoenbaum Amphitheater in Charleston, W. Virginia. 

And he won the match, according to his publicist, who released the news last evening. Now, you have to remember, Smothers was always a joke - once staging a failed faux character that was one part Shaq, one part Ali. And that's about as jabroni as it gets. I often remembered him getting his ass kicked by Buff Bagwell all the time on lame Saturday night TBS wrestling shows.

“It wasn't too hard ... I just grabbed his neck, and choked. His eyeballs popped out of his skull. End of story,” Urungus said, noting that Smothers corpse was "quickly re-animated" by his "necrotic power." 

The two pledged to continue to wage their war as long as people “gave them money for it”.

“This is huge in Czechoslovakia,” said the still-bleeding Smothers.


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